Park

The days are slowly growing longer, light stretching out in to the evening so we can play and frolic more. We have been frequenting the park more these days with our pals.  Jack was not that keen on it before but has started to enjoy it more, although for the most part he mostly likes to run and ignores the jungle gyms.

His time at the park unfolds as follows; run, run, run, find dogs, chase dogs, run, run, run, find moon, yell “moon” 500 times, run, run, run, climb jungle gym, try to jump off some inappropriate part of jungle gym, ignore friends, try to eat friends snack, ignore own snack, run, run, run, chase birds, fall down, get friends snack as form of pity from friends mom over fall, run, run, run, eat sand, eat more sand, desire water since mouth is parched from eating sand, try to steal friends water, ignore own water, run,run,run, fall, eat sand whilst on the ground post fall, get picked up by mom, demand to nurse, get taken home as the last of the daylight drains out of the sky.

PArk 2

Park 4

Park 8

Park6

Park 12

PArk 11

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Mama

The word of the day, everyday and all night around these parts is “Mama.”  Jack is experiencing a wave of separation anxiety and some serious Mama love, truthfully it is equal parts sweet and frustrating. There is nothing sweeter than my name on my little boys lips, and the light in his eyes that follow. It moves me, helps me be patient and fills me with so much tenderness. In the night when he wakes, it is no longer cries that I hear beckoning me through the walls, but the escalating wails of “Mama, Mama, Mama,” when I pick him up from his crib and press his warm little face in to my shoulder, I bask in the fact that a simple touch can sooth him. But sometimes even when he is in my arms he still cries and chants “Mama” and I know that is the word he uses when he needs comfort, love, when he wants or desires something and sometimes I think he says it when he feels like a stranger in his own skin, that uneasy feeling that we all get sometimes, he says “Mama” to chase it away. It fills me with so much love that my name is equal to the source of all comfort, it is so elemental, so primal.

The frustration arrises, when I can not leave the room with out the pitiful squawk of “Mama” on my heels, arrises when I see the hurt look in my husbands eyes, when “Dada” can not sooth like he used to, arrises when I am holding him and loving him and he still howls “Mama” to which there is not much I can do (unless he is referring to some other more adept Mama that I don’t know about.)

Obviously Jack is going through something right now, he is teething and growing at an alarming rate, and 16 months seems to be a common age for separation anxiety. But it is hard not to feel like it is something that I caused; maybe I am not giving him enough attention, maybe we moved him out of our bed and in to his own too soon? These are the questions that clutter my mind. When I am rational, I remind my self that I am with him all day, so a lack of attention is unlikely and he handled the adjustment to his own bed really well, not to mention I still go in and nurse him a few times a night, so he is hardly independent in the evenings, but when I am tired all the logic drains off and the irrational guilt floods in.

I have been trying to focus on what I can do to help soothe his uneasy days. I have been keeping them rhythmic and predictable, playing outdoors, taking long walks in the ergo and holding him close when his little body can’t seem to settle down. I know that these days will pass, and the “Mama” days will be a sweet (and slightly exhausting) memory.

A Resolute Year

ACE

We had the pleasure of ringing in the New Year with friends at the Ace hotel in Palm Springs. It was a rejuvenating way to start 2013, and boy do I have a lot planned for this year.

I had the realization recently that I have everything that I want in life, it  may not be where I want it to be, but the seed elements are in place for everything that my little heart desires. I have an amazing family, we are building an incredible company, I am writing, and I am working on a project that has been fluttering around my mind for years. There is the need for growth and attention in all areas of course, I just need to simplify and organize. So that is my resolution for 2013, to simplify and organize.

Each month I am going to choose a different area or project to focus on, a different area to organize and simplify or learn, not that I will abandon it after the month, but the idea being that I will have that particular area running smoothly and more self-sufficiently so that it continues with less attention. I used to organize and produce for a living, this year I am going to apply those skills to my own life.

The twelve areas that I will be focusing on are; health, finances, Shark Pig, Blogging, L.A. house, Fairfield house, Jack & Jonathan, writing, knitting, travel, going green (greener) and learning spanish.

I have not worked out the order yet, but will be announcing the focus here on the blog on the first of the month and keeping you all updated on my progress. Hopefully blogging about it will keep me focused and motivated.

This month I will be focusing on health, which is classic January fodder and an excellent springboard for the rest of the year. Hope everyone else is as excited about their resolutions as I am. Let the great experiment begin!

P.S. I got inspired to set a goal a month after reading this awesome blog!