East Coast Bound

This week has been a blur of doctor appointments, the nasal frida (AKA baby torture,) late night rocking, and fevered cuddles. Such a blur that I have hardly registered the fact that we are going to Massachusetts tomorrow, for a week. I am so looking forward to Jack meeting my family, introducing him to the Atlantic and all of us enjoying some amazing seafood.

 I am also looking forward to lounging by the pool and ocean with my boys and vegging out! Also I want to get tan. I am aware that tanning is bad for me and can cause cancer and premature aging. I am aware that Nicole Kidman, Dita Von Tease or similar, would not be caught in the sun without an enormous hat and a burka like sun protection suit, and that if I wish to age in the manner of a hollywood star (which I do) I should do the same. But the problem is, I look really good tan. So does Lynch. So we have decided that we are going to get tan this vacation.

There were whole summers of my youth that were dedicated to becoming the perfect shade of copper. Lazing with friends around  a pool, lake or just a front yard, if no body of water was available.  All of us smelling like coco butter and lemon (lemon to make our hair lighter, naturally.) I am also aware that this reminiscing makes me sound not only pretty white trash, but also pretty vain, and I am fine with that. I am fine with all of it. My post baby body just needs to lay in the sun with my hubby, and get nice and brown. While of course protecting my baby from the same sun I’m worshiping. Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Summer Colds

We are sick. We may as well paint a red cross on our front door to warn away the healthy. Only we don’t have the plague, we just have nasty summer colds and ear infections ( and a fatigue induced tendency to be over dramatic.) We are resting and recuperating over here, although unfortunately for all, not napping. We are however taking advantage of the fact that this is a summer, not a winter cold. So we can eat peaches in the sunshine and get our vitamin D.

10 Months

Dear Jack,

This past few days you have had both a nasty head cold and the cutting of a particularly obstinate tooth. You have spent the majority of the last few nights, sleeping in my arms, head on my chest as I sit, keeping you up right so you can breathe more easily. I marvel at the weight and length of you. You used to be able to fit so precisely, tucked against me. As light and fragile as a hollow boned bird. Now I have to scoop my arms around you to keep you contained to keep your long limbs from spilling off of me. All sweet reminders that you are rapidly becoming a little boy, and leaving your babyhood behind you.

I have a catalogue of things that I want for you as you grow. Some are simple in their nature. I want your first little boy bed to be next to the window. So the breeze can find you on warm nights. So you can see the stars or look at the moon when you feel wild or lonely. I want you to have a perfect tree for climbing. One that is accommodating enough to invite you in to its boughs, but hard enough that you feel bad ass once you have scaled the top. I want to be home to make you dinner every evening. I want a million other small things for you.

Some things are more ambitious. Mostly I want for you to be happy and confident. But how can I cultivate qualities in you that I can not even fully accomplish in myself? These are the musings that keep a Mama awake, even after her sick babe has dozed off at 3 AM. I want a million other enormous things for you.

I suppose they will get figured out in time, and even if they don’t, time will pass and you will grow regardless of what I have “figured out.” I have a feeling that you will figure out so much for your self, my fearless love. I am so sorry you have been feeling poorly, but I cherish these moments with you, rocking and holding you close.

Love you, Mama

You Don’t Know Jack #2

Ten things about Jack that you probably don’t know.

  1. Jack now is the proud owner of 7 teeth.
  2. He has figured out how to turn up the volume on the record player. I was making dinner in the kitchen when he crawled away, about 2 seconds later our house was shaking with thunderously loud music. I ran in the living room worried that he would be scared, that our house suddenly sounded like the inside of a mosh pit (if Linda Ronstadt were played in mosh pits.) I found him unfazed working on his dance moves.
  3. Jack has dance moves. He bobs up and down when music he likes comes on. Lately he has been rocking out to the Graceland album by Paul Simon, and apparently he is a huge Linda Ronstadt fan.
  4. His double chin is so adorable that it has actual magical properties. If I am feeling particularly frustrated with him, I can look at his little wobble and feel immediately calmer and more enamored.
  5. Jack has developed a sense of possession. He now understands when something is his, or if he is using something. When you take it from him, HE DOES NOT LIKE IT. He will in fact, protest fiercely if it is taken (usually for safety.) By fiercely I mean that he will bite you. And if you are not in range of his mighty choppers, he will crawl after you, until you are in range and then bite you.
  6. The other day Jack was playing with a friend, who as friends will do, took a toy from him. Jack grabbed for the friend and bit down with all his might. In his fit of revenge his aim was off and he accidentally bit his own hand. His first lesson in instant karma.
  7.  Jack has a tiny problem…. with biting.
  8. He is really sweet about wanting to share food with us when he is eating. He will hold out the skankiest, most manhandled  morsel of food in his chubby hand while grinning and beaming at me. Then I have to eat the proffered skanky piece of food and say thank you. I would not want to be rude.
  9. He is becoming more and more social. When he is crabby or sensitive my instinct is to keep him close to home and un-stimulated, walking, playing, reading and nursing  so he stays settled. However I am discovering that Jack does not respond well to his tactic. When he is a crab, it seems to help to get him out and around other people.  On Sunday I almost canceled a Fathers day brunch with another family, because Jack had been fussing all morning at home; throwing food, slapping the dog in the face,  biting me and screaming when I removed him from said dog. I was nervous about the havoc he could unleash in a restaurant but decided to risk it.  As I was warning our brunch companions about the possible anarchy in the works, Jack was smiling radiantly at the entire restaurant and demurely eating scrambled eggs. Clearly delighting in being around new people. And clearly making me look like the Mama who cried wolf, AKA crazy.
  10. He lights up when he sees me. A specific for Mama smile. It is the most incredible thing. It feels like falling in love and it happens multiple times a day.

An Anniversary In Pictures, Part 2

Perhaps it is a little strange to throw ones self an anniversary party, to celebrate your marriage at the tender age of 5 years. But the truth is I am really proud of our journey over the past 5 years and wanted to celebrate it. And I really do love to throw a party. For the record I also know a few people who are on their second marriage and wedding, with in the last 5 years. Why should divorcees have all the fun party planning?

Looking through these photos makes me feel so loved. It meant so much to me that so many people came together to celebrate. Glancing around the party I saw most of my favorite people in the world . The fact that they were all at our farm, eating pie, laughing on hay rides and dancing under the stars made it even sweeter. It was simultaneously nostalgic and oh so present. I flashed back to a hundred nights growing up, dancing in cornfields and gazing at bonfires. While I watched by babe laughing at fireflies and falling asleep under a prairie moon. Perfect.

An Anniversary In Pictures, Part 1

Remember the anniversary party that we threw? Regarding that, three rad things happened.

1. The ladies at 100 Layer Cake are featuring our party. I am beyond honored to be included on their gorgeous blog.

2. Jennifer Emerling edited all of her  photos from the day, and they literally stole my breath out of my lungs, that’s how stunning they are.

3. We decided that The Farm was made for parties, and to deprive it of parties is cruel. So starting spring 2013 we will be opening up the property as a wedding/celebration venue.

Tomorrow I will be posting part 2.

First Steps


Please excuse the poor photo quality it’s all I could manage with my phone in the heat of the moment.

The big news in these parts is that Jack took his first steps this weekend! He has been walking holding on to furniture, or people or the poor dog for a while. But these were his first unsupported steps. The blessed event took place at the Sharkpig offices. He really wanted to play with this hanging, dangling, yarn poof (not really sure what to call it) that is hanging off the pencil sharpener decorating the office. He stood up from a squat, took a step forward than grabbed the poof. I tried not to make a big fuss over it, but did gasp rather dramatically (very daytime drama/Emmy worthy.)

I am not sure he really understands what he did. Although I had a suspicion that it was coming. He has been behaving in a similar manner as when he started crawling. He has been having a harder time falling asleep, because his body is just to full of energy. Even after bath and massage, his little muscles are still taught and tight. He has also been a little sensitive and attached, which is not his usual way.

He has taken a few steps every day since, although it has yet to evolve in to full-blown walking. I can’t believe how much my little Home Slice is growing. He will be 10 months in a week. Onward and upward!

Fathers Day

Dear Lynch

Watching you become a father has been an extraordinary experience. Watching you care for and nurture our son does something to my insides that can only be described as a slow melt, or a languid liquify. It turns me in to a puddle of mushy love for the two men in my life, the small and the tall.

When I found out that we were having a son I thought our little boy would be exactly like you. I imagined deep brown eyes, olive skin and dark hair.  I also assumed that our son would inherit your strong and silent disposition. When Jack was laid on my chest the first things that I noticed were his surprisingly white lashes fluttering on his bright pink cheeks and little tufts of strawberry blonde hair.

You have commented that you think Jack is just like me, and I do see traces of myself in him. This bodes very well for Jack, because you understand me and complement me so well. It brings tears to my eyes to know that you will be able to do this and be this for our son. I am sure that no mater who or what Jack grows to be you will be an excellent Father. But it is already evident that Jacks active and intense nature draws strength from your reservoirs of patience, love and focus, as mine does. Happy 1st Fathers day my love.

Tomorrow

I have been interested in participating in the early childhood program at the Waldorf school in Pasadena. When I was pregnant a friend gave me the book “You Are Your Childs First Teacher.” Of all the books I have read about raising the littles, this is the one that has resonated with me the most. The tone of the book is so practical and really takes in to account the mother and the childs well-being. It is nurturing without being coddling or promoting over parenting. I also love the emphasis on nature. The children are outside most of the day. My friends whose children attend Waldorf schools in crueller climates than LA (Seattle, Iowa) have the most amazing array of all-weather gear. They get sent to school looking like tiny whalers going to sea for a fortnight.

I spoke with an administrator from the school today about their next session which is September through June. The deposit is due this month. It seems kind of official for a parent/baby program but that’s how school is in LA, expensive and official. This brings up all kinds of questions about next few months that I have been trying to avoid thinking about.

A film that Lynch is producing has a really good chance of being made late summer. He would be on location for about 3 months, and we would join him.  We won’t know if it is actually happening until the last-minute (ah the joys of independent film making.) But if it is, we would be out of LA until late fall. There is nothing I can do, to plan for a movie that may not be made. I have been keeping my fingers crossed that it will and ignoring the practical aspects of what that will entail for our little family.

So far this strategy has been working out really well. I, like Scarlett O’Hara, am proficient at putting off unpleasant thoughts for another day. Unfortunately I don’t think that Scarlett had to deal with rather expensive and timely school deposits. It makes denial tricky.  But for now denial mixed with procrastination seems my best angle. So,  “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.”

Kind Edwards Orchard

These days mind keeps drifting back to this time last year, when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy. Before I knew my boy, before I knew myself as a mother. Everything seems nostalgic; the smell of peaches, the heat and the summer holidays approaching.

While we were in Iowa we visited King Edwards Orchard. Two friends of mine from high school started an orchard in memory of one of their fathers who passed away a few years ago. And invited all of their friends to plant trees. Now they have hundreds of fruit trees in a beautiful tribute. Last year as a family of two we planted an apple tree, this year as a family of three we went back to admire its growth and progress. As I watched Jack standing next to it grabbing at the leaves, I got more than a little misty.

The time has charged past, leaving me dizzy in its wake. I find myself aghast at the thought that my little babe will be a whole year old in a few months. Time seems so relative. While it is shocking to think that he is almost a year, it is shocking to think that he is ONLY almost a year. How we were ever with out our Home Slice?