Sometimes if feels like the goal of modern motherhood is to have your life resemble, as quickly as possible what it did before you became a mother. You are supposed to slip back in to your pre-baby life, with as much ease as you are supposed to slip back on your pre-baby jeans. There are a million products, articles, books and other media aimed at women, informing us of this. Before I had Jack the idea of “feeling like myself” again quickly was a comfort. It helped ease my fears of the wild unknown.  I do have friends who have experienced this, they feel like themselves almost immediately after giving birth but with a tiny new plus one. But I am not one of those women

I don’t think I live on the same planet as the person I was before having Jack. There are so many external and internal changes. Sometimes if feels that when they performed the c-section they added in a frontal lobotomy for good measure.

A few nights ago I went out to dinner with some of my new Mama friends (new as mothers, and new to me as friends.) The talk was baby centric and soon, over crafted beers and artesian pizzas, the stories started to flow. Birth stories were traded. Some wild; a baby being born in the car, delivered by dad. Some unresolved; the sorrow of a birth experience that was brutal and difficult. None of them simple. Stories about the recoveries, blood, stitches and exploding scars. And of course tales of the babies themselves, of sleepless nights and of sobbing to your husband on the phone with your baby wailing in tandem in the back round.

The telling of these horror stories was matter of fact and light, slipped in between ordering another appetizer. It struck me again how resilient women are, and how much becoming a mother effects you, physically mentally and emotionally. These incidents that may seem so unbearable and horrific to an outside ear, are just part of our stories now. Mixed together with the intense new love we all get to experience. There was no dwelling or self-pity. There was an abundance of joy and a feeling of community.

Nature is cyclical. There is always a cycle of destruction before life springs up again. Having Jack was both, simultaneously. I created another human being, and in the process everything about me as a person was torn down and destroyed. Destruction can be positive. These days it feels like I am slowly rebuilding my self and my life. I have a clean slate. Ready and open for possibilities that I never even saw before. I am stronger, I am certainly braver and I value my happiness more than I use to.

I feel so lucky to be able to experience this, and I marvel at the mothers I know. The strength is staggering. So cheers to the Mamas who feel like them selves again with ease, although surely they are stronger more complete versions now. And cheers to those of us who are still discovering the new women we have become. Happy Mothers Day!

Leave a comment


  1. gorgeous louise. i love these pictures of you with baby jack!

    • Thanks love. Those were taken our second day together. He is such a little tiny Jackrabbit. So excited for your little one in the fall. xoxo

  2. Natalie Gluck

     /  May 15, 2012

    Oh how I love this. As a new mama it truly resonates. I just came across your blog, and it’s always a bit reaffirming to read things like this. Thank you 🙂


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