Top Ten

My favorite ten moments from the week are a follows…

1. I got to spend the weekend with some of my favorite people in North County San Diego.  Jack saw his first Mariachi band, and Mama had her first margarita in over a year.

2. Jack learned how to take off his diaper. I realized it after he had been napping in his swaddle with out any pants on. When I unswaddled him I found him sans diaper. It was pretty funny, also pretty messy

3. I had someone over to watch Jack for a few hours while I was at home. It was AMAZING. I did the Tracey Anderson post pregnancy workout in my bedroom and then I took a shower. I know, I’m Wild! He did really well. He is generally  good with new people but I have never had anyone watch him before like that. He had fun playing with her. When he was bored with what they were doing he would just yell a little and then she would change it up. He is a great communicator.

5. Some one stopped me on our walk to complement me on how well behaved Axle is. I did not confess that this was mostly do to his being middle aged and having a mild case of arthritis.

6. I eat pop corn for dinner while watching Dirty Dancing. This is what happens when I am left to my own devices, I revert to my 6th grade self.

7. We had some really amazing walks this week. Even when I think I am too tired to go (wearing Jack up these hills is not joke) it always makes me feel better. It is so beautiful around here in the early evenings.

8. I came across this little goody on one of our walks. It was stapled to a telephone post.

9. We made it through an entire yoga class without Jack fussing. He played, rolled and flirted with the other babes. Which meant I got to participate in the whole class.

10. We had a lot of fun at bath time this week. This is usually a special time for Lynch and Jack, but I had a good time filling in. He loves the water, and loves the sound of his voice echoing in the bathroom.

On My Mind

Today it struck me how fast my little cracker Jack is growing. Every moment with him in this new life we have made feels so fresh and all consuming. It is hard to remember that in the scope of things they are fleeting.

Lately I have been feeling that I am not getting enough done during the day. I am not sure what I expect to get accomplished with an infant. The house is clean, the babe is thriving and I’m not a total wreck.  But somehow it feels like that is not enough. Like I should be training for a marathon, penning the next great American novel, working a little, doing something more.

I think some of it is stems from the fact that I am not going back to work, and that is beginning to become more real. So I am making all of these amendments to my decision to stay home with Jack, as if it needs more validation. I am truly grateful to have the opportunity to be with him, and not have to take any jobs. But I still have a lot of career aspirations, even though I decided to put them on hold for a few years. I guess I am having a little trouble letting go of that element in my life. We are so fortunate as women in this generation that we have so many choices. But sometimes it feels like we have to choose everything all at once in order to be successful.  I know that I just need to  let go and fully embracing this new amazing chapter in my life.

Realizing how quickly he is growing helps me to put things in to perspective.  Reminds me that I should enjoy more and worry less. O.K. I am done psychoanalyzing myself.  Thanks for listening.

Jack 1 day old

Jack 5 Months old

And Then There Were Two

Lynch is traveling for work right now, so it is just Jack and me.  He has been traveling quite a bit since Jack was born. Each time gets a little easier, but truthfully it is exhausting. Being alone with the home slice for 4 or 5 days is intense, but I am so proud of the work Lynch is doing so I guess this is how the cookie crumbles right now. I have a new admiration for single Mamas with little ones!

5 Months

Dear Jack,

Well my little home slice you are 5 months old! Is is possible that you have only been in my life for such a short amount of time? How can someone so remarkable, so complete and vibrant have only been alive for 5 measly months? Now I think if we multiply the significance of the months (mammoth) by the number of actual months (5) it will equal the appropriate number of months you have been alive. S0… Mammoth x 5 = gazillions of earth shattering, incomprehensible,  heart metamorphosing and totally redefining moments that are not quantifiable by something as limiting as months. Excellent! As you can see your Mama is something of a math wiz.

I am transfixed by your constant exploration and hunger for life. You want to move, to play, to taste, to laugh to discover all things. When you can not, when the world is not available for your immediate conquest you tighten up all of your muscles and let out a howl that bemoans your frustration. You are so delighted by the world, so offended to miss even a minute that you have found your first nemesis in sleep. Even if sleep comes accidentally, tricking your tiny eyelids in to closing with a particularly soothing nursing or cuddle, you will jerk your self awake with a grunt, keeping nefarious sleep at bay. You are fighting the good fight my tiny warrior.

You have recently become smitten with the dog, your face lights at the sight of him. I can not say the same of his, but he does lick your hands when you come in the door. So your love may not be completely unrequited.  Don’t worry your little head over it, the rest of the world is instantly taken with you.  You get the most compliments on the robust nature of your sweet cheeks, and your beautiful blue eyes.  Although your lovely red hair and herculean stature also cause a stir.

I am obsessed with all of it, with every particle that is you. I am so grateful that I get to spend my days with you. You mean the world to me, I love you so. xoxo Mama

Wanted: A Touch Of Glamour

I think that Elizabeth Taylor may be the most glamorous woman ever.

Elizabeth Taylor would never have spit up on all of her clothing.

Elizabeth Taylor would never rush through showers. She would never have legs shaved only in patches, and hair weighed down by conditioner not fully rinsed out.

Elizabeth Taylor would never consider having a half glass of red wine and going to bed at 10:30 a wild night.

Elizabeth Taylors children would never scratch her while nursing. She would never have scrapes all over her famous decolletage, making it appear that she had been entertaining kittens or crawling through a bramble bush.

Elizabeth Taylor would never wear sweat pants all day and then change in to something fancier 5 minutes before Richard Burton got home from work. Especially when the “fancier” outfit is just nicer sweat pants.

I wish to be more like Elizabeth Taylor.

 

 

Little Bear

 

I picked out this little bear hoodie when I was near the end of my pregnancy. I am not that girl, the one who had a stash of baby clothes hidden away before she was even pregnant. I am not even the girl who bought a bunch of baby clothes when she was pregnant. I was a girl who was too cautious to get anything, imagining the pain of having to pack it all up if something were to go wrong. But this hoodie I could not resist. My optimism won out when I saw this tiny bear hoodie. Because who does not love a kid in animal ears, and sometime you have to bet on the best outcome. Which is what happened, the best outcome. Meaning that my kid is literally the best, no offense if you have kids.

It is so strange to think I bought this before I even knew him.

Knew how charming he would be.

How much I would puff up with pride when people say he looks like me.

What a temper he would have, and how endearing I would find that.

And how rewarding having this little man would be.

Play Group

Last week Jack and I went to play group with some ladies and babies in our neighborhood. The group meets every few weeks, our hill is bursting with babies. My doula had 4 births on our hill, just in the month Jack was born. It is really sweet to get together. We have very few friends in LA with little ones, and none with small babes so meeting all these women has been so vital.

Having an infant can be really isolating. It is easy to loose touch with people and feel a little lonely in your new schedule and life. At the same time I have never met so many new people in such a short amount of time. The experiences that we are all going through are so specific that you can bond with and enjoy people that you don’t have a ton in common with, because the one thing you do have in common is so HUGE.

Anyway the play group was a blast. All the babes are so cute and growing so much! They range in age from 3 months to 7.  Jack was the largest one there, although he is the forth youngest. He had a few pounds on everyone, including the 7 month old!

Here they are arranged from youngest to oldest. The little guy in the turquoise shirt is the youngest, moving clockwise.

Checking out all the other babes.

Squawking out his greetings.

 

Sleepologist

 

I am a mad scientist of sleep over here. Reading research, testing theories, concocting formulas and logging data (seriously I have a log) in efforts to get this little Home slice to sleep easier. I read a really great book called “The No Cry Sleep Solution.” It is very geared toward attachment parenting and co sleeping. It outlines a gentle 10 day plan, and then you check back in and see if you have made any progress. It takes a while and is not a quick fix but it seems right for us. I will let you know how the progress goes. “let the great experiment begin!”

P.S. if you know what TV show that quote is from, I heart you.

Tiny Geinus

We have had a big day over here. The home Slice had a major break through he…..ROLLED OVER!  I know what your thinking, the kid is brilliant.

You may also be thinking this is not particularly early to be rolling over, and maybe even that he is not quite the genius I think he is. To that, I simply must say that it was more than just the roll itself that assures me of his budding brilliance. It was the way he did it. I promise you a more graceful, dynamic, daring and thought provoking roll has never been achieved. And then to solidify his standing as the master roller, he…..did it again. Swoon! If I was not only head over heals for him, the roll itself would have wooed me. I am telling you it was that good.

I  tried to document it the best that I could but I was too deeply moved and excited by the act itself to function properly or take timely photos.

Axle would like everyone to recognize that he has been rolling over for years, and to significantly less fanfare (although significantly more doggie treats.) And as his face clearly expresses, he thinks it’s no big deal.

Love Letter

Dear Running Shoes,

I know it’s been a while but please know that I never forgot  you, in fact you have often been on my mind. I am a little embarrassed to admit but I have even dreamed of you, of us rather, the way we were. I dreamed of us tearing though the lavender twilight, through cornfields or oceans or city streets, nothing but the two of us and the bobbing shape of my shadow.  I have been long full for our meeting and a little shy of the same. A lot has changed since we parted. I have wobbly bits and scars where there were none.  And you have had your changes, you are half a size larger than you were, although I know that you are doing that for my benefit, the same way that I am wearing two sports bras for you. Because we both really want this to work. I have to warn you, I need to take things slow. But I am confident with a little time and support from you that we can get back to where we were.

Yours hopefully, Lu